I became a coach to make a difference. I want to give back. I want to change lives. And I am SO passionate about what I do. As a coach, it’s important to work on myself everyday, I walk the walk. In my determination to “fix” myself, I became a serious student of psychology, brain science & metaphysics. What I’ve learned was that fear is the #1 culprit behind every judgment you make, complaint you have, & excuse you give in life. My primary mission is to help people let go of indecision, gain clarity of purpose, & take life-changing risks. Helping expose the roots of fear & move beyond that insidious universal feeling of “not being good enough.” Everyday I try to be aware of who & what is around me, what refection do I see? How can I be better than I was yesterday? Recently I became aware of the different disguises of fear. The most common one is fear of being alone.
Dating is hard. I know I’m not a fan of dating. Yet we’re all on a mission to find “the one”, that someone you can share their life with. I’ve been single for quite some time & the truth is I am enjoying just “dating myself” right now. Becoming clear about what I want, releasing old fears & patterns I DO NOT want to experience again! But when I notice the frustration & fear in others when it comes to dating & it got me thinking… When did being single become some sort of disease that everyone wants to get rid of? Why does everyone think that being in a relationship or married is superior to being alone? What’s so bad about choosing to be single?
Society places such an emphasis on being part of a couple that it makes single people feel like a reject sometimes. What’s so bad about being single? Yeah, it’s nice to share your life with someone, have someone to do things with, even just veg & watch TV on a rainy weekend. But how many people are in unhappy relationships, settling for less than what they truly want because the fear of being alone is just too much to handle? How many of us ignore what we truly want in a relationship because we’re scared we’ll be even more unhappy single than we are in an “OK” relationship? I find it interesting how some people would rather be unhappy in a relationship than become single & really go after the relationship they truly want.
Eventually you’ll reach the point in a relationship where you find yourself at the height of unhappiness, just before you decide that it is better to be alone than in the relationship. The desire to stay is motivated by a lack of clarity about what you want, & sometimes, it’s just motivated by the fear of being alone. People often try to stay in relationships hoping they will figuring out what they want, but the truth is, you rarely get clarity this way. So now you have a list of the things you don’t want. Great! So what happens when we focus on what we don’t want? The Law of Attraction gives us more of what we focus on. And guess what you’re going to attract? More of what you don’t want! So how can you get really clear about what you do want? I suggest dating yourself. If you don’t like spending time with yourself, why would someone else enjoy spending time with you? If you don’t treat yourself with love & respect, why would someone else treat you with love & respect? You see the way we treat ourselves shows others how we believe we deserve to be treated. No one wants to be treated like shit, but if you treat yourself like shit, why should someone else treat you better than you treat yourself?
Here are four signs that you’re settling in the relationship you’re in now & it might be time to embrace being single…
- You Wonder Who Else Is Out There – you have a nagging feeling that maybe there’s someone better. If you experience this feeling, my friend you’re settling for less that what you want. NO ONE should settle! If you stay in this relationship, you’ll always be wondering.
- Your Partner’s Flaws Are Causing You To Resent Them – when you’re desperate for a relationship, you’ll lower your standards & overlook a lot in order to be with someone. You sacrifice the things you truly enjoy just to be with that person. If it seems like your partner can do nothing right, it may be because you’re lacking clarity about what you DO want. Until you’re clear about what you want, nobody is right for you!
- You’ve Lost Yourself In Your Relationship – there are a few signs of being lost in your relationship; giving up your hobbies & interests, you’ve lost contact with your friends, you don’t spend any time with anyone other than your partner, pretending to be someone you’re not, & treating your partner’s problems like your own. If this is where you’re at right now, it’s time to become single, get grounded & rediscover yourself!
- You & Your Partner Have Different Relationship Goals – you want kids, he wants a dog, you don’t like dogs you like cats, either way you want different things & some of these things, neither one of you is willing to sacrifice. Maybe you didn’t know where you wanted the relationship to go in the beginning, but now that you’re at a crossroads, you’re realizing you want different things. Time to move on!
Pay attention to how you’re feeling. If you notice that you are stuck in confusion, dissatisfaction & worse, you’re sacrificing who you are & what you want, then it’s time to step back, get some perspective, & take some time to be single, date yourself & figure out what it is you truly want in a relationship, identify the qualities you desire in your “perfect mate”. Most of all, treat yourself the way you want to be treated!
People use being with others as an escape from themselves. When you’re with others, then the focus is on them, not you. How well do you really know yourself? Being single is a precious time that can be used to really get to know & love yourself. So spend the time getting to know you. Discover new things. Reconnect with your passions. Work on personal growth. Allow your authentic self to emerge!
By spending time with yourself, you will quickly see how much there is to learn & fall in love with about yourself, which will make your next relationship & your current relationships with others even stronger. There are so many benefits to spending time alone that will make you a better version of yourself, a better friend & a better partner. I challenge you to change the way you perceive being alone & single & embrace this amazing opportunity to grow. It’s all about your attitude. Re-discover who you truly are, what you want & go after it! You deserve nothing less!!!
As always, send you an abundance of love & light,